This work is not Meant to be My Work.
I quit my job yesterday
My google calendar went from full to free which left me feeling empty.
I left my job because I was perpetuating decades of wounds into another’s business.
I left my job because my heart was saying that it was time to go; yet for a year I ignored it.
I left my job because I was not valued for who I am, rather I was being pushed to be a carbon copy of my boss.
I wrote the above on 1/4/22 the day I left my job.
Today is March, 30, 2022
With time and space, I have realized the dark side of my psyche.
I am a gossip, passive agressive, defensive and a liar
I resent, regret, self-abandon.
In 12 step circles these would be called character defects.
I see them as defense mechanisms that at one time worked to help me feel safe.
Labels don’t matter as much as how I intend to overcome them because I am no longer interested in staying in the dark.
When I shine the light on them with personal responsibility and implementation, they dissipate.
Even on January 4, 2022 I was uncomfortable with the gifted space of a blank google calendar.
I decided to start a project 12 in 22:
A whole quarter has disappeared with many starts and stops because I was cooking up the next iteration of my business…
When I began Cooking Healthy Academy, I knew the power of cooking to heal.
My mistake was creating a business around my cooking healthy.
I failed miserably while doing everything THEY told me to do.
I wore that failure like a badge of honor.
Yet, my go to was to re-start a failed business
To be honest: I HATE create meal plans working with weight loss, food sensitivities
I remember when I did get a client I only felt dread.
Yet, instead of listening to my heart saying this way of working is not meant to by my work; I listened to my then Coach share that I had resistance.
I cringe at how many times I shared that with people in my past job.
This was my heart telling me that this work is not meant to be my work.
Marketing gurus will share to only share your healing after the healing.
Today, I am taking you with me through my healing and I am intending to use food and cooking to facilitate this healing.
Where do we start?
Facing and embracing my trauma response to hunger….