YOU MUST HAVE BOUNDARIES BUT ME? I WAS HAD NO BOUNDARIES!

That is what I would tell anyone who listens:

You must instill healthy boundaries; yet I didn’t care enough about myself to do the same.

Living with no boundaries was easier because:

• I am a perpetual people pleasing, conflict avoiding woman!  I would rather be mad at someone than to have someone be mad at me.

• Creating boundaries and enforcing them was exhausting.

• I didn’t value myself enough to have boundaries.

During my 2 weeks away I took another hard look at myself and once I got past the shame, I knew that I had some building to do.

No Boundaries was No More!

Like the picture above I now think of me; body, mind and soul as a beautiful castle with a moat that keeps the riff raff out!  This moat keeps me safe and protects me!

Since I am addicted to people pleasing I literally had to write out my boundaries.  I had to fill my moat myself because otherwise the moat would dry up.

Here are a few of my boundaries:

1.  No longer will I allow others opinions to influence me.  Everyone knows that I have been struggling with my business and I would listen and allow myself to be coached even though I didn’t want it.  First of all, I no longer share my struggles with everyone.  I pick very carefully.  Secondly, when I do receive unsolicited advice, I literally say thanks for sharing.  I am not in the need for coaching right now.  Yes, that may sound bitchy but I have to be bold with my boundaries.  It is time to start protecting myself as I protect my children.

2. I say no first.  Not let me think about it or give me 24 hours.  NO NO NO NO NO.  People may not understand and that is ok.  As long as I am respectful I am letting go of pleasing everyone else.

3. I let go of many people.  I realized that I would rather be friendless than full of negative people who only want from me.  I am exhausted and have nothing left to give.

4. I turned off my phone.  I only answer for my kids and husband.  I will call everyone else back and if I receive a sales call, I say no thank you.  No more dancing around not wanting to hurt feelings.  No thank you!

5. With myself: yes, I even needed to instill some self-boundaries.  I tend to go over my day and berate myself for anything that I said I deemed unacceptable.  No more.  Now I have a night time ritual where I give gratitude in one book (this keeps the gratitude energy clean).  Then I write about what I can improve on tomorrow.  If something comes up that needs an amends I commit to doing that.  If not, I just forgive myself for eating my foot.

Bad News: I have a lot less friends.

Good News: I am becoming my own best friend!