Healthy Habit #6: I Know What to Do I Just Need to Do It.
My brother had died 2 weeks before Austin’s diagnosis and I was watching my mom slowly die.
Even though I knew the answer I asked the question: “Will it kill him?”
They responded “no”
So what do we do next?
This was 1996. The internet was not even in my universe. I couldn’t google Autism
This was 1996. 1 out of 500 kids were diagnosed with Autism. Today 1 in 66 are diagnosed with some form of Autism.
This was 1996. The recourses were not plentiful. Today, we are overloaded with information.
Even though I did have a support system; OT, PT and Speech Therapy along with Social Skills classes. I didn’t go and study about autism.
I got half-way through Temple Grandiins’ book and realized that it was usless to me.
From the moment I held my son I knew something was not right. He flunked every test, he could only grunt, he looked through me for about 18 months and then he would just smile all day living in his happy place.
I don’t know why but I allowed my gut to raise Austin.
I rejected certain therapies because my gut said so.
Instead of becoming an expert on Autism I became an expert on Austin and I backed that expertise with a kick ass support system. I knew that I couldn’t do this alone. I wanted to. It was easy to just keep Austin happy at home. I knew what that grunt meant. I became an expert at keeping the peace with him. Yet, I knew that it would not serve him.
Austin is 20 years old, an honor student at Lynn University and lives thousands miles away from home. He has a small group of friends. He can drive (when I let him!)
To this day, I get calls from parents asking how did I do it? How did Austin go from walking in circles, grunting to being Bar Mitzvahed and running half marathons? I would share my secrets: listening to my gut and creating a support network that nudged me when needed and taking care of myself.
That response did not sit well so they would go on and on about all these certain therapies asking if I had done them. Then they would share the intricacies of the therapy. Usually I didn”t know what the heck they are talking about. They quickly learn that I knew nothing more than them. When I share my story they became disappointed. They thought that maybe I knew something they didn’t.
I did but trusting their gut seemed too scary, too simple for such a complex developmental disorder.
I did plenty of research, such as finding schools that would honor Austin but I didn’t focus on the newest research, instead I focused on Austin.
What the heck does this have to do with you?
I don’t share this to brag about my great parenting skills. I could write a book on how those skills could be upleveled.
I share this because relying on information and trying to do it on your own will keep you where you are right now or worse, you will slide backwards.
Knowing what to do and doing it are 2 totally different tasks. It is easy to read a book or an article and crowd your brain with more information. It is hard to listen to your gut and make the investment in creating a dream team that has your goal as their goal!
So how do you create a dream team?
- Pick your friends carefully. Friends love you and usually they are not comfortable with you being uncomfortable. Be very clear and honest with what you need and how you tend to avoid taking action. This person must be strong enough to call you on your stuff and not worry about you getting mad.
- The dream team must be focused on YOUR needs as opposed to their beliefs. For example, If you are someone who needs a little grain at each meal, hiring a health coach that is focused on Paleo Eating probably won’t work. You know your body best.
- With that being said; you also need a dream team that will push you out of your comfort zone and hold your hand while you step forward. It is as if the dream team is like a parent encouraging her child to jump in the pool promising she will catch her. The child is scared and the parent will move heaven and earth to make sure that her hands will grip her child as she plunges into the pool.
- Don’t expect much from your family. I say this in the most loving way. It is too much to ask a loved one to support you in the way you need to be supported. Either they will be too harsh or too soft. They may try to sabotage your efforts. Love them anyway. Of course, they can support you with encouragement from time to time but they are too close to give you what you need.
- For maximum effectiveness: the dream team uses their ears more than their mouth without judgment. YOU MUST FEEL SAFE! I have had dream team members that turned into nightmares. You don’t deserve that! Becoming simply slim is hard and you will fall, it is vital that you have someone who will catch you without reprimand and help you see the gifts in those falls.
Am I your ideal dream team player? That is up to you to decide and the best way to do that is to schedule some time to talk.
I promise you this: you will decide if you and I will work. No sales pressure; I hate it and cannot even make it happen. Just honest talk to discover your next step.
Go here and schedule a session here.